|Paul Bunyan vs Johnny Appleseed|
|Release Date||March 24, 2014|
|Views||30,000+ (As of January 16)|
|Previous||Oliver Twist vs Richie Rich|
|Next||Richard Simmons vs David Hasselhoff|
Paul Bunyan vs Johnny Appleseed is the 38th battle in Epic Rap Parodies, and the third battle of Season 3. It was released March 24th, 2014
Ey, chapman, you won't survive this pain that I'm bringing,
How can you win? I cut Appletree's for a living!
Stop lumberjacking off and focus, I'm manly as hell.
You're a nurse, maggot! Do you fondle with your apples as well?
On my way to victory, and this fool is on my route.
Punching his face so many times it'll be as red as his fruit!
I'm a giant don't you see! Your love for apples is just weird.
This ass-whooping will be almost greater than my majestic beard!
You discovered apple trees, just go to the store!
Beef with a lumberjack and get scattered on the floor!
I'm like an onion, bringing tears out this brittle funyun.
Shoving my ax up your ass, so you'll remember the name Bunyan!
Oh, the Lord's been good to me.
Just sitting here plucking from my apple tree.
Then this fat son of a bitch tried to step to me.
Now he'll learn not to mess with Johnny Appleseed.
Forget the lumber camps, you're just a lumber tramp.
This tourist attracting scamp's about to get a revamp.
I'm on fire, like the kerosene you enjoy drinking.
You're just a big oaf, who makes choices without thinking!
You little myth bitch, you ain't puttin up no fight!
Why're you pissed? Are those jeans pulled up too tight?
This world would be hungry without my discoveries.
I'm the reason Newton found the Laws of Gravity, buddy.
You're just a pioneer queer, who I'll slice to bits!
I'll take that pan off your head and smash your face with it!
You chose not to marry, because you'd take spirits as your wives?
Good luck, chump! You pretty much wasted your whole life!
You better pray that you win, and run back to your New Church!
I'll drop apple bombs 'til you turn into the nothing that you're worth!
By the time i'm done with you, you'll just be Johnny Applejuice,
You're a true fruit, bitch, I'll be sure to leave you the bruise!
Calm down there partner, you're gettin angrier than you need to be!
I'm spitting out these disses like I'm spitting out appleseeds.
While I'm chompin' on my sweets, making history, man,
You're stompin' on your feet, chasing people off your land!
You're just a lonely lumberjack who's in for a shock.
The only babe you get in bed, is Babe the Blue Ox!
You've been destroyed by Johnny, I'm leaving strong and proud!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, no one can save you now!
- This idea was originally created to surprise the fans with a "Justin vs Froggy" battle, because their voices are often confused for each other. But, with Justin having difficulty finding a good voice for Bunyan, Zander did the audio instead.