Private Ryan vs Nikolai Belinski is the 19th installment of ERBParodies. It features Call of Duty zombie slayer, Nikolai Belinski, battling famous movie character, Private Ryan, to see who is the better soldier. It was released June 30, 2013.
I'm drinking vodka tonight, after I knife you to pieces,
I'm shooting zombies, you're shooting prayers, Jesus.
You're not a soldier, James, you fucked up for your whole team.
I'm a Russian, you're a private with too much self-esteem.
I will John H. Mill you into pieces, demon spawn!
Trust me, you'll be dead before the break of dawn.
You guys won the war? Well, I don't give a crap.
No vodka for you, but I give you free bitch-slap!
Calm your Russian ass down, I ain't a zombie, you know?
I'm Ryan, Belinski, and I'm here to steal the show.
You're a stupid alcoholic, so you better run and hustle.
At least I have friends to get saved by, you've been chosen for your muscles.
I killed more Jerries in a day then you've killed zombies in a year.
When the zombie dogs come 'round, your black heart gets filled with fear.
I'm not an ordinary private, Nick, all your money got stolen.
You're a Russian prick, with a small dick, getting down with Richtofen!
Tell me does it hurt when I punch you in the belly button?
Just like my first wife, I shall kill you with my shotgun.
This is what I call goulash, all the blood and gore.
You look scared, Francis, never seen a real man before?
You were married to one woman? Pff, I had nine!
Normally I'd drink vodka, but not this time!
You would taste so much worse than a quick revive.
Just like any private, you will never make it out alive!
Hear that Nikolai? The beat's slowing down,
'Cause I don't need no sound to kick your ass outta town.
Man, you're so cool killing all your wives.
I was a hero who got unlucky while saving millions of lives.
We'll set you up like we did to the half-track of Germans.
I can bet my family all your wives look like Cindy Sherman.
You just lost this battle like you lost every game.
I'll give you such a hard beating, you'll never forget my name!