|Saint Nicholas vs Saint Valentine|
|Release date||February 28, 2015|
|Views||75,000+ (As of August 18)|
|Previous||King Tut vs Yugi Muto|
|Next||Ötzi vs Elsa|
Tomas van Straten
A red background
The North Pole
Saint Nicholas vs Saint Valentine is the fifty-third battle of ERBParodies. It features 4th century saint, Saint Nicholas, going up against Roman saint, Saint Valentine.
Tomas van Straten as Saint Nicholas (video)
Miss4yo as Herself (cameo)
Pepijn de Jong as Black Pete (cameo)
Who am I? Saint Valentine! I think I've arrived in the Nick of time.
Bishop playing you like a pawn! This martyr's got ardor! More than thy!
Wonderwork your way out of here! Don't patronize me! You don't have a clue!
Someone's got a foot fetish, putting gifts in little children's shoes!
I'll Kringle you, Kris, leave you dissed with one touch.
You call yourself Sinterklaas? DESITE! You're not even Dutch!
I'll seizure victory from you, Holy Heirarch! Enough is enough!
Cause I'm the more impressive saint representing winter months!
The eternal third wheel's about to meet his law-maker
Behave, or you can consider this bishop a pawn breaker!
A canonized betrayer to the Emperor is my challenger
I'll rock you the Flaminian way and wipe you off the calendar!
As winter falls the children call the one and only Sinterklaas!
You think I'm wrong? I'll clip your wings right off and twist your jingle balls!
Me and my posse of peeps beat you once every week!
But once a year we'll honor your execution as bittersweet
Hah! Meet you in the court of love, you'll find I'm Master Chancellor!
Tell your North-Side gang that it's time for a massacre!
I'm the hardy heart of archery, so don't make me shoot!!!
There's only room for me or you and you don't quite fit the suit!
Oh yeah... I'm so fly... I'm the god of desire...
Keep making children live lies and I'll roast your nuts on the fire!
My kind of love conquers all but your existence is the paradigm
That redefines mankind as one who'll never have a Valentine!
Ho ho ho! Santa Claus is here to flow!
Shove your chocolates down your throat and leave you pummeled in the snow!
I didn't think your rapping could get anymore scary,
Until you went and turned yourself into the gay Tooth Fairy!
Making money off of greeting cards? Now that just makes me pissed!
Since it brings a whole new meaning to the Naughty list!
Merry Christmas to all, now that this prick has been dissed!
There's no way one baby could stop the Spirit of Christmas!
You've been a naughty boy, Val, and you sure won't win this
Going up against the patron saint of kids, Nicholas!
They celebrate me every Thursday, you won't ever get this far
Romans took your name off of the calendar, cause nobody knows who you are
I saved three boys' lives, you have no right to be called a saint
You were imprisoned and tortured? I'll do much worse, just wait
You whine so much, no wonder people associate you with a baby
And they celebrate your death day by giving loved ones candy! Cupid:
Now you've gone and brought out the true spirit of my holiday
I flew in to flow, I don't need no sleigh
The name's Cupid , you stupid fat pedophilic devastation
I show love throughout the world, you promote civilization
Down from above, spreading love to everyone's lives,
While you're stalking, planting stockings, making parents tell lies
Keep putting kids on your lap, yeah, keep making parents buy
But the fact is, Nick, you'll never be ANYONE's Valentine
- This is the second battle to have backup rappers, the first being Harry Potter vs Percy Jackson.
- The battle is comprised of one fourth of the original lyrics, (Santa Claus' verse) one fourth MaNCHA's lyrics, (St. Valentine's verse) and half of a version written by Mat4yo (St. Nicholas' verse and Cupid's verse). The other two halves were separately released in the original version on Soundcloud and Mat4yo's version on Soundcloud.
- Saint Valentine said that Saint Nicholas wasn't Dutch. Ironically, the person voicing Saint Nicholas (Ivo Hora) is Dutch.