Saint Valentine:Edit

Who am I? Saint Valentine! I think I've arrived in the Nick of time.

(Saint Valentine opens up the rap with a rhetorical question, asking the question of who he is, he then presents his name, inferring that everyone already knows who he is. He then follows this up with "i think I've arrived in the Nick of time" this is a phrase implying that he has arrived just in time to "diss" Saint Nicholas. The Nick is also a reference to his opponet Saint Nick- olas")

Bishop playing you like a pawn! This martyr's got ardor! More than thy!

(Both Bishops and Pawns are chess pieces, a bishop is more powerful than a pawn, being able to move more, Saint Valentine is saying he is going to "play" his opponet like a "pawn" implying that he is more powerful. Saint Valentine was made a martyr, and he says to Nicholas that he has more enthusiasm towards his position as Valentine went to great lengths to Wed couples, even eventually to his own demise)

Wonderwork your way out of here! Don't patronize me! You don't have a clue!

(To do Wonder work is to do a marvelous act, which both saints are famous for, Valentine says that the only way Nicholas will be able to escape is to perform a marvelous act. Valentine then orders Nicholas to not bother trying to patronize him with his raps, as he doesn't have any idea what he is doing)

Someone's got a foot fetish, putting gifts in little children's shoes!

(Saint Nicholas gained fame by putting gifts into the shoes of well behaving children, Valentine says that the reason he does this is not because he is kind heated, but because he has a foot fetish)

I'll Kringle you, Kris, leave you dissed with one touch.

(This is a play on Saint Nicholas' full name (kris Kringle), Valentine threatens Nicholas saying that he will Kringle him destroying him. Valentine follows this by saying his disses are so great, that he will only need to "touch" him with them once to leave him dissed" 

You call yourself Sinterklaas? DESITE! You're not even Dutch!

(The Dutch version of Saint Nicholas is Sinterklaas, Valentine calls him out on this saying "DESITE" meaning wrong or false, as saying he cant call himself that as the original Saint Nicholas was not Dutch.Also possibly joking at how Saint Nick's actor Ivo Hora is actually Dutch.)

I'll seizure victory from you, Holy Heirarch! Enough is enough!

(Valentine claims he will win the battle as he will take the victory by force from Nicholas, he then uses saint Nicholas' award of being a Holy Heirach in a sarcastic way, implying he doesn't deserve this title. Valentine then says he is tired of this dispute and wishes it to end) 

Cause I'm the more impressive saint representing winter months!

(This battle is between the two most famous saints of the winter months, Valentine claims he is the more impressive out of the two opponents)

Saint Nicholas:Edit

The eternal third wheel's about to meet his law-maker

(The third wheel is a term used for someone who is in the company of a couple, but not involved in the relationship, making them feel awkward. This is in reference to the fact that Valentine would marry couples, but never be married himself. Nicholas says that for all eternity Valentine will be known as the third wheel. Nicholas then claims that Valentine is about to "meet his law maker"  this means Valentine is about to meet his boss who will make his laws this also references the fact that Valentine Frequently broke the law makers laws by marrying couples illegally)

Behave, or you can consider this bishop a pawn breaker!

(Nicholas threatens Valentine by using a play on his own nick name "The patron saint of pawn brokers" This is also again a refrence to a game of chess, and that Valentine will be broken by him"

A canonized betrayer to the Emperor is my challenger

(Nicholas says that his opponent is not fit for him as he is only "a canonized betrayer to the Emperor" this is because of the fact that Valentine betrayed the emperor of Rome when he wed couples illegally)

I'll rock you the Flaminian way and wipe you off the calendar!

(Nicholas says he will "rock" Valentine as rocks were what were used to kill Valentine as he was stone to death. "The Flaminian way" is a a reference to how Valentine was buried. Nicholas then says he will wipe Valentine off the calendar, taking Valentines day off the roman calendar)

As winter falls the children call the one and only Sinterklaas

(This battle is between the two most famous saints of the winter months, Nicholas claims he is the better saint as when winter falls, the children only care about him, and no one else, making him the one and only Sinterklaas)

You think I'm wrong? I'll clip your wings right off and twist your jingle balls!

(Nicholas says if Valentine doubts him, he will clip his wings off. This is a reference to cupid the Greek god of love who is used frequently to portray love. This may also be a reference to the fact that Valentine is a saint, and saints are depicted as angels who also have wings. To clip a birds wings is to stop it from flying, making the bird defenseless and in many ways useless. He then says he will twist Valentine's "Jingle balls". This is a reference to the slang term for the male genitalia, and that he will twist them, causing Valentine immense pain This is also a reference to the Christmas carol "jingle bells".)

Me and my posse of peeps beat you once every week!

(In the Eastern orthodox church, every Thursday of the year they sing hymns to commemorate Saint Nicholas, Nicholas is saying that his actions are remembered all year)

But once a year we'll honor your execution as bittersweet

(Nicholas carries on from his last line comparing the fact that he is remembered all year, to Valentine who is only remembered once a year, saying that it is bittersweet)


Hah! Meet you in the court of love, you'll find I'm Master Chancellor!

(The court of love was the first recorded point at which Valentines day was celebrated. Cupid declares himself as "master Chancellor" as he is the Greek god of love, and therefor the ruler of the court. As he says this he lets out a laugh, demonstrating the mischievous, and camp nature of cupid )

Tell your North-Side gang that it's time for a massacre!

(This is a reference to the Saint Valentines day massacre, which saw the murders of five members of The north side gang. Cupid is saying to Nicholas that he should hell his north side gang (his elves) to run as he will come and massacre)

I'm the hardy heart of archery, so don't make me shoot!!!

(Cupid depicts himself as "the hardy heart of archery" saying he is an excellent archer. This is a reference to the fact that cupid uses a bow and arrow to make couples fall in love. He follows this with "don't make me shoot" Cupid is saying that he doesn't want to shoot saint Nicholas but may be forced to)

There's only room for me or you and you don't quite fit the suit!

(Cupid then Says that there is only room for one of them as the victor of the rap battle, and that the modern depiction of Saint Nicholas (Santa) is depicted as overweight, so not fitting his red suit)

Oh yeah... I'm so fly... I'm the god of desire...

(Cupid is the god of love, and love and desire are closely linked, cupid claims himself as the god of desire. As this verse is spoken it is done so with a tone that makes it sound sexual)

Keep making children live lies and I'll roast your nuts on the fire!

(The modern depiction of Saint Nicholas is pure fiction, but children are made to believe he is real, Cupid Says that if Nicholas doesn't stop lying to them (making them believe he is real) then he will "roast his nuts on the fire" a reference to the slang of the male genitalia and to the Christmas carol "nuts roasted on an open fire"

My kind of love conquers all but your existence is the paradigm

(Cupid's arrows in the Greek myths claim to make anyone fall in love, therefore cupid's love arrows conquer all resistance. But Cupid claims that there is one exception to this rule, that being Saint Nicholas.

That redefines mankind as one who'll never have a Valentine!

(This follows on from the last line, Cupid says that because of this exception, Nicholas redefines mankind. Nicholas' reason for never having a valentine is that he is so disgusting, no person could ever love him. But the dude who wrote this forgot Mrs Claus.)

Santa Claus:Edit

Ho ho ho! Santa Claus is here to flow!

(Santa Opens up his verse with his classic jolly laugh, that being "ho ho ho", but this time he seems more serious and the line is done out of sarcasm. He then says that he is here to "flow" which is a term used to describe good continuous rapping)

Shove your chocolates down your throat and leave you pummeled in the snow!

(On Valentines day, people give their Valentine chocolates as a romantic gesture. Santa threatens Cupid saying he will shove these chocolates down his throat, leaving him injured in the snow that falls during the winter, and that surrounds Santa's home in the North pole)

I didn't think your rapping could get anymore scary,

(Santa claims that Valentines rapping was so bad it was scary, so scary in fact he couldn't imagine it any worse)

Until you went and turned yourself into the gay Tooth Fairy!

(Throughout his verse Cupid displayed himself as quite camp, so Santa makes the link between behaving camp and homosexuality. He also says that he looks like the tooth fairy as both Cupid and the Tooth fairy have wings and are both fictional)

Making money off of greeting cards? Now that just makes me pissed!

(Santa is Saying that he is angry at the fact that Both holidays have been so commercialized)

Since it brings a whole new meaning to the Naughty list!

(Following his last line, Santa claims that making money off Greeting cards changes his legendary naughty list)

Merry Christmas to all, now that this prick has been dissed!

(Santa claims that now St Valentine has been dissed everyone can have a merry Christmas)

There's no way one baby could stop the Spirit of Christmas!

(Santa claims that Saint Valentine never stood a chance as he couldn't stop the immense spirit of Christmas)

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